fortune file

The problem with drugs is that they stay in your system and fuck you up,
long after the high is gone.
Celibacy can fuck you up.
When is time?
The 70's., from woodstock to disco.
Life can be fucked.
It is never dishonerable not to fight, but that doesn't mean that
it is always honorable.
Chess pieces contro whre they aren't.
Kibbitzing is not a capitol offense, unfortunately.
Sidestepping reality.
Could I be mistaking depression for maturity.
There are three types of females, girls, women and ladies.
Cooking on an electric stove sucks gas.
Your mind controls how you look, your appearance doesn't control your mind.
Are you sure you're confused.
I am here to fulfill ony one persons expectations, mine.
The only person that is here to fulfill my expectaions, is me.
Once someon becomes an adult, age loses much of its siginificance.
I was going to become a brand new me, but I just keep finding an older me.
Being crazy is much more fun.
Getting by is not enough, I must LIVE.
Either it happens or it dowsn;t, why worry.
It's funny how the saying is "Pick on someone your own size"
not "Don't pick on people".
Solitude is as neccesary as food, air, water and sex.
Slippery when wet?
Quiet, hospital zone.
Priest X-ing
The surgeon general has determined that living may be hazardous to your health.
Quarentine area.
Please feed the animals.
Caution: Fallout area.
In this episode, the producers sell out their morals for the sake of
better ratings.
For best results, squeeze tube from the bottom and flatten as you go up.
Trespassers will be violated.
Fighting entropy is an uphill struggle.
Pro-Crast National Labs, division headquarters.
For your protection, please keep hands and feet inside bus.
Stationary point.
There goes that turtle again.
change is the only constant.
Entropy is king, the king always wins.
Are we nothing but quarks.
I like people, it's you I can't stand.
It's easy to develope a persecution complex when everyone is picking on you.
They say that suffering is good for the soul. I wish that mine weren't
so healthy.
Live, or die trying.
Grab a man by the balls and he will follow with all of his heart and soul.
Fools rush in.
Two is the root of four. Too is the root of for.
If money is the root of evil, is Marijuana the bud of happiness?
Sex leads to a soft life and a hard.
watch for low flying shrapnel.
Fuck ewe, 10,000,000 rams can't be wrong.
Go for Baroque.
Punque Artte..
Existance is a drug, withdrawal can be fatal.
Life is a joke, and I missed the punchline.
Life is a joke, and I am the punchline.
The crew at cape Canaveral are out to launch.
Refugee camp.
Yea though I walk through the room of the shadow of mess I will fear no evil,
for I am the sloppiest son-of-a- bitch in town.
Persons I love, it's people I hate.
Streaking is undignified, but carefully placed non-chalant nudity when people
aren't expecting it, can be fun.
What am I looking for? Sex? Friendship? or just someone to cuddle with when
I am lonely? maybe these define love.
May you be capable of conversing with god. compliment or curse.
More loner than stoner.
Be carefull of people who talk about common sense.
If you have to memorize something, tack it on the wall across from the shitter.
Some people don't need drugs to be gonzo.
Some people use drugs so they can be gonzo.
Some people, drugs are their gonzo.
There is no such thing as fighting fair. Playing fair, yes.
Fairness implies rules, rules imply a game.
Young handsome cation seeking attractive anion. Object: ionic bond.
Harmonize, don't antagonize.
I am an INDEPENDENT thinker.
I am an independent THINKER.
More people than will admit, have more personality than they will admit.
Remember the Vermont!
Q. What does King Arthur say to see if his son took a nap?
A. "Somone around here! Hath Mordred slept?"
Sex is more enjoyable when you are horny.
Q. How do you tell an engineering student from a meatloaf?
A. The engineering student is the one doing problem sets.
Some people like to act on stage, others in real life.
Choosing between celibacy and sex could be a hard decision.
The difference between a great lay and a great lover:
Great Lay: Every woman has a vagina.
Great lover: Every human vagina is attached to a woman.
Do your own thing for yourself, not for others.
Intelligence, the ability to avoid making mistakes.
Wisdon, the ability to learn from mistakes.
If I give up, then what is there to live for?
A womans place is in the wet spot.
Sludge is for the crankcase, not for the kitchen.
People react differently when they find out that I don't act the way
that I am, but I am the way that I act.
How many Argentinians does it take to change a lightbulb.
Two, One to remove the old one, and one to steal a new one
from the british.
Friends are more important to have than lovers. However, it is
nice to have both. it's fantastic when the same person can be both.
Don't fuck someone over, just to fuck them.
If you don't play, you can't "win".
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears that he is right. - James Branch Cabell
Extraordinarily Average, The Epitomy of Mediocrity, Outstanding Anonymity.
Science is the gathering of human knowledge.
Engineering is the practical aplication of human knowledge.
Art is the impracticala appilcation of human knowledge.
Living together: Being married in practice.
Is the labriss this unnatural axe that we are always hearing about.
Colen's law of financial chemistry: cash sublimates.
It's nice to know you're there. But, it would be even nicer if you were here.
I'm worse than mean and vicious. I'm honest.
Saying that all people are created equal,
is like saying that all women have tits
The man that can read, is twice as free as the man that cannot.
Signal processors do it in the frequency domain.
What do you get when you cross a cat with a rabbit? Pussy Hare.
Your parents met when your dad was butfucking the doberman your mom was
giving head to.
Your grandmother is your aunt and gave your dad his first blowjob.
He doesn't like to compete, but he likes losing even less.
Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with a canary?
A. A rope suspended from both ends.
Genius: the ability to think differently than others.
Insane: The inability to think the same as others.
Love stinks, but it sure beats the alternative.
Does a musical android have a well tempered clavical?
It seems that whenever I think that I'm all grown up,
i realize how much growing up that I have left to do.
It is amazing how much getting laid will improve a guys disposition.
It's easy to tell the woman that spent the night with me,
she's the bowlegged one with a smile.
Rainbows are solar powered.
Philosophy can be fun, but so can masturbation.
Some people want what they can't have. It is better to enjoy what you
acn get. Also, don't bother getting what you don't want.
Never hit a guy with glasses, use a pipe, it works better.
Save the american economy, Unionize Japan.
Kinky bits: Ramen as a sex aid. Sheep cut like french poodles.
Ode to reading on the can: The longer the sitting, the better the shitting.
Freedom and security are mutually exclusive.
Did you hear about the telepathic taylor? One psi fits all.
You are what you eat. I'm a pusssy.
Many fundamentalists claim that their ancestors did not evolve from the apes,
as far as I can tell, they didn't.
Specializing in everything.
Love em and launch em.
Some women collect neurosis the way a dog collects fleas.
Labradors ar fetching.
Gary Hart, not only has balls, but uses them.
Holiday tradition for Jewish/Christian families:
Every day for eight days, burn down a christmas tree.
"She's about as stable as U-235"
She's a good source of slow neutrons.
She'd forget her pussy if it wasn't screwed on everyday.
Her name was Jill, but we called her Lorrie, because she was built like one.
1/31/88 Life's so bad, the only thing that will go down on me, is my computer.
2/3/88 My computer crashed.
Junk food makes me strong.
What is written in ones journal should never be assumed to be secret.
However, when a journal is read, it often hurts the reader more than the author.Why do periods of spiritual growth always seem to be accomponied by
emotional anguish.
Fingers to the keyboard and nose to the CRT.
It's whether or not that you are losing that you have to play the game.
My parents went to Tralfamador, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
Art that takes no prisoners.
Sometimes I have difficulty dealing with women who's makeup weighs more
than their clothes.
Monument fetish = ediface complex.
I have all the right answers. I also have all of the wrong answers.
The trick is in telling them apart.
His idea of staying power is getting all of the way in.
It's ok, I'm a programmer. I'm supposed to be strange.
How to solve the problem of creeping elegence:
Let the engineers design it right in the first place.
Poolplayers measure their sticks in ounces.
Stretch a mind too far, and you exceed it's elastic limit.
Abstinance makes the frond grow harder.
Gun control works, just ask Li Peng.

Last modified 07/10/98

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